Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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