we have officially lost it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
