You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
