I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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