He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
