if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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