he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
