she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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