9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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