Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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