hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
