She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm passing your future prison.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
