going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
