You smell like a Billy Joel song
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
