i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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