Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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