I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
it glows. i had to have it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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