Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
How naked do you want me to be?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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