I CAN MOONWALK!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
