She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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