how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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