dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
