Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
