Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
