i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
