FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
