The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
