Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
