im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
