So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
