defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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