So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
