please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
