when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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