piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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