after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
