Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Do vagina's smell?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
