no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
