I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I would ride that face into the sunset
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
