Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
