no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
