Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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