Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
