Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
