Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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