Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
