you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think I died a long time ago.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
