He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
