the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
