is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
