flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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