Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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