Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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