I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
